Date: Tue, 5 Aug 2003 15:40:11 -0400
From: "Dr. Travis Doom" 
To: Choya Davis 
Subject: Re: Query


On Tue, Aug 05, 2003 at 11:59:07AM -0700, Choya Davis wrote:
>  What's it like to go through life on a daily basis with the name
> "Dr. Doom"? I mean, do you feel pressured to live up to a name like
> that?

Absolutely.  In fact, it is entirely possible that the _only_ reason that
I went on to graduate school and achieved a doctorate was due to a decision
that I made in high school.  I knew then that it was a moral imperative to
become Dr. Doom.  Anything less would be a disservice to the name to which 
I was born.

> Have you ever actually done anything diabolical? 

Absolutely.  I am, after all, a university professor. 

> Do you have an arch-enemy? If so, how do you deal with constant
> thwarting? Doesn't being thwarted get wearisome ?

Unfortunately, I have no rivals suited to arch-enemy status.  I do have
a nemesis (www.wright.edy/~michael.raymer), but he has not yet proved
worthy to be promoted arch-nemesis, let alone arch-enemy.  The only
thing that grows wearisome is the ease with which my plots succeed. I
long for a rival competent to clearly understand the perfection of my
schemes.

> Did you have to develop a melodramatic style of speech a la "They
> thought I was mad...but soon the world will be mine and all will kneel
> before the genius of Dr. DOOM!"

Not at all.  Firstly, I do _not_ speak melodramaticaly.  I speak in
declamations!  It is simply a matter of clarity!  To speak otherwise
would confuse my audience, for they cannot understand the fullness of
my genius!

> What kind of mind-bending technology do you have hidden in your vile 
> sanctum of villainy? A time machine? Ready-to-launch Orbital 
> Mind Control Lasers? A deutronic frombotzer? 

Well, mostly I use MS power point.  You might believe that a power-point
presentation is not unspeakably vile.  I challenge to you attend one 
of my lectures!  With the advent of distance learning, soon I will be
able to touch the minds of millions from my office lair!

> And finally, do you have any toadying henchmen, that, through their 
> ineptitude, constantly foil your nefarious plans for world-domination?

Of course.  I have about dozen graduate and undergraduate students under
my constant guidance. 

> Do you have any internships available? I dont have much henching
> experience, but you'll find me a quick study, and I just know I could
> grovel before the awesome might and power of Doom like none other. 

Unfortunately, I don't accept just anyone.  After you have proven yourself,
let me know.  I'm always on the lookout for good talent.

> It
> would just be too cool to utter: "Yes evil master!", and after you
> conquer this undeserving mudball of a planet, could I have Australia?

Unfortunately, Australia is already promised to the Koalas.  Oh come on,
you don't think that they are that cute on _accident_, do you?

>                                                         your loyal servant,
>                                                         choya davis   
                                                      
Regards,

--
Dr. Travis E. Doom                 email: doom@cs.wright.edu
Dept. of Computer Sci/Eng.         http://www.wright.edu/~travis.doom
Wright State University            Tel: (937) 775-5105

http://www.wright.edu/~travis.doom/Frames/drdoom.html