Baby!

Birth Story: Monday afternoon - midwife appointment

I saw Cat, and she did an exam to see if I was dilated. Actually, first she was going to do an exam to see if my water had definitely broken, just to be completely safe, but as she said, it seemed very clear from my descriptions that it had, indeed, broken. Nonetheless, she planned to do the full 'rupture of membranes' check. However, as soon as she looked at me, she said she didn't need to because there was a pool of fluid in me. It was very obvious!

So, she checked for dilation and effacement, for the first time, and found that I was 1 centimeter dilated and that my cervix was very high and thick. She also said that the baby's head was NOT seated in the cervix, and that it was twisted, indicating that he had become posterior. For those that don't remember, that means that the back of his skull would be pushing against my spine as he came out, leading to very painful labor, and an increased chance of C-section.

This was the first time that anything bad had been confirmed for my pregnancy, and I started to worry. Little did I know that it was just the start. Cat then said that she hates seeing this situation (premature rupture of membranes), and that the best option is usually to induce. Also, the CDC recommendation is that once your membranes have ruptured, you should be put on antibiotics by 18 hours to reduce the risk of infection. These are IV antibiotics, too, so it meant heading to the hospital.

My heart is dropping at this point, and the fear began to set in. I did NOT want to induce, and I told Cat that. I suppose that my reaction was not entirely reasonable, judging from Travis's reaction. He wanted to do whatever was safest for me and the baby. Cat was very understanding, and agreed to wait a bit, but recommended that we head to the hospital that evening to start the antibiotics. Usually, PROM is handled by inducing the mother no later than 24 hours past the rupture.

We agreed to go home and have dinner (energy for labor), then meet Cat at the hospital at around 8:00pm to start the antibiotics and possibly induce labor.

Considerably shaken, we headed home. I was on the verge of tears. I was so scared of having an induced labor, because I had heard horrible stories about it, and I 'knew' that having an induced labor increased the pain, which increased the chance of an epidural, which increased the chance of a C-section. I didn't want any of that!

My dream of the perfect birthing experience was being crushed, and I was reacting very badly. By the way, now that I have my son sleeping on my lap as I write this, the idea of a 'perfect birthing experience' pales in comparison. As long as the baby ends up out and healthy, it doesn't really matter, right? I didn't know that, beforehand.

I had planned on keeping the birth story on the web up to date all day long, because I knew people would be watching it, but this news really depressed and scared me, and I didn't have any interest in sharing the story anymore. I was regretting telling people that my water had broken, actually, because what had seemed like such an exciting occurrence was turning into a scary bad experience.

I felt like my body was betraying me. The entire pregnancy had gone so well, and I've always been able to rely on my body to do what I expected. I've spent years of my life training my body to do what I want it to... but I had no control over this. I was scared.

Read Next: Monday night - night time