Baby!

Birth Story - labor

Finally, I get to write about the good part. When the contractions started to get painful, I started walking. After the first one that actually hurt, I started crying, actually sobbing. I was concerned that Travis and Delia thought I was in pain, so I explained myself as soon as I could speak. I said, "I'm not crying because of the pain, I'm crying because I'm scared." I cried on Travis's shoulder for a while, leaving his shirt soaking, which I didn't believe when I later asked him why his shirt was wet.

As soon as the contractions started actually kicking in, I was very hot. I was sweating and felt like I couldn't possibly get cool enough. Delia (I think) had the brilliant plan of putting cold water on a washcloth so I could hold it on my face. She cooled it for me over and over again, until someone (I have no idea who) had the brilliant plan of filling the washcloth with ice, so it stayed cold. That was genius. I melted the ice pretty fast, though, with all of the heat I was giving off, so it was constantly needing to be replaced.

At some point, I accused Travis of being a bad ice filler, because he didn't put enough in for it to last very long. That was the meanest thing I said to him... none of that 'you did this to me' stuff they tell you that you'll say.

I was tied to the IV and the NST (non-stress test) monitors, so I couldn't go far. Eventually, Cat got me hooked up to a portable version of the monitors, which hung on the IV pole, so I was only attached to one thing. Once I was portable, I walked in circles, waiting for contractions. I briefly tried sitting in a rocking chair, but got up before the contraction even ended. That was not comfortable for me. I made circles around the IV pole, and therefore always counterclockwise because the IV was in my left hand. At some point, Travis teased me and told me I should try the other direction. In my confused state, I tried it, but had to walk backwards to make it work. They all laughed at me.

I tried a few other positions, including lying on the bed, which lasted less than a full contraction (ouch), and bouncing on the birthing ball, which was ok, but I didn't feel like having his head bouncing on my cervix was a comfortable idea, though logically it probably would have helped to dilate me.

When I was walking, once the contractions got more painful, I would clutch Travis and make him hold me up. He had to leave once for a moment, and Delia walked with me so I wouldn't be alone. It helped so much to have her there.

Throughout this, whenever I had a contraction, I felt like I wanted to use the bathroom. I did, in fact, very frequently. It was a natural reaction, I think, to feeling like there was something inside me that needed to come out. They were pumping me full of fluid, and I had had a lot to drink beforehand, so I managed to urinate every time. I usually experienced two contractions while I was in there, and I dealt with the second one by running really cold water on my hands.

Then I found the best position to handle my contractions. I tried kneeling on my hands and knees, but my torso was tilted downward. In my mind, that meant that gravity was pushing him away from my cervix, no good. So, I tried using the breastfeeding stool to put my hands on, but it was too tippy and too short. I remember being very angry that it was so tippy. I tried another stool, but it was just too hard to have my weight on it with the IV in my hand. Finally, I put my arms and chest on the birthing ball and let it support me. That was perfect.

Sometimes I rocked back and forth, but mostly I just hung there. Travis was reminding me to relax the rest of my body during contractions and I think I did a pretty good job. I specifically remember him massaging my arm while it hung limp in his hand, while I had a contraction. I was proud of that. That was something we had talked about a lot beforehand... that the big problem people have is that they get so tired because they tense up with every contraction. The goal was to let just the uterus do the work, conserving energy throughout labor. I think it worked!

My legs were showing the strain, though. They were shaking uncontrollably some of the time, just from supporting my weight. My knees were on pillows, sometimes, but they were slippery and made me feel insecure, so I ended up with my knees on the hard floor. My knees are still sore.

I had to rest my legs between contractions, so I would rock back and rest my butt on a pillow that was lying on my calves. It wasn't ideal, but it was pretty good. I don't know what would have been better, but I'll try to figure it out before next time.

These contractions were fascinating. I remember just being really inside my body. It was dark in the room, and dark in my body, but I was visualizing my cervix during this time, and mentally leaning into each contraction. Every time I had a contraction, I thought to myself, 'open, open, open, open' during the entire time. I really could feel my body responding to that; it was amazing. I could feel my cervix opening up. I say that, but I realize that it may have all been in my head, but whatever, it worked!

I kept thinking to myself, 'This is not very painful. I must not be very far along. Surely it will get a lot worse.' At some point, Travis said, 'See, you don't need an epidural!'. I think I told him to be quiet, having not finished labor yet and having no real idea how bad it could get.

During this time, sometimes I would feel something dripping out of me, and I assumed that it was amniotic fluid. I glanced down once, though, and it was blood! It was falling on a white pillow that I had been resting on between contractions, and it was so bright and noticeable! I was inordinately interested and proud of it, I remember. I said, 'Look at all that blood!' Evidently everyone thought that I was worried about it, but really I was just fascinated. I said, 'Delia, do you want to see all the blood I'm making?' I don't know why I asked, and I didn't expect her to want to, but she got up and looked, which oddly pleased me.

Cat was also very interested in how much blood I was producing, because it was a sign that I was dilating. The cervix has a lot of tiny blood vessels in it, so it can produce a lot of blood. She wanted to check me to see how dilated I was. I was a little hesitant, because I didn't want to hear that I was only 2 centimeters dilated or something, but I agreed to have her check me 'after the next contraction'. Even in labor I was trying to control the situation!

I climbed on the bed so she could check me, and she must have done it really fast because I didn't have a contraction while I was there. She found me to be 7 or 8 centimeters dilated! The goal is 10, so I was really close! She was impressed with how quickly I had gotten there. I was simultaneously heartened and discouraged, though I can't explain why.

It didn't seem like very long after that that I started wanting to push. I asked Cat about it, because it seemed really soon after she had checked me. The contractions were not really any stronger than they had been (as far as I could tell), but I had a different feeling. This is when I started making noises that sounded that I was in pain, Delia said, but really that was just me trying to move with the contraction without giving in to the urge to push.

Cat asked if I wanted to push, and I said, 'yes, but I don't need to'. Travis said something about 'well, I guess that's why they call it an uncontrollable need to push'. Since we didn't need to push yet, Travis reminded me of one of the breathing techniques we had learned, which involves blowing out really hard, under the theory that you can't blow out and push at the same time. Whether that is true or not, I don't know, but it did work.

At some point, I noticed some activity in the room, and I asked what was going on. Someone said, 'they're bringing in a table for the baby'. Wow, I thought, they are preparing for the baby to get here! That must mean that we are almost done! Amazing!

At about 8:00, I looked at the clock and said, 'Hey, Buffy's on. Oh, but it's a rerun. Smallville is new, though, maybe we can be done before then.' Crazy thoughts.

Next: Tuesday evening - pushing