Baby!

Birth Story: Tuesday night - pushing

I said, after not too long, that I wanted to push, and Cat checked me (in my hands and knees position) and said that there was a lip of cervix still, but that I could probably try some gentle pushes. So I did for a few contractions. I think that she checked me again, and said that it was ok for me to start pushing. I can't remember. Really, looking back, I remember thinking that I didn't NEED to push, just that I wanted to. I probably could have held out longer.

Pushing was hard work. It wasn't painful... it was really a relief to lean into the contractions and do something other than breathe through them, visualizing them opening my cervix. Somehow, I had not grasped that pushing took time... I thought it would be over quickly. I pushed a lot. My stomach muscles felt very strong at first, but then I got tired. I kept saying that I was getting tired or that I was really tired. I never felt like I couldn't do it, just that I was tired.

Squatting is supposed to be a good position for giving birth, so I thought I'd try it. I stood up and was going to try squatting. That was definitely my plan. Travis sat on the end of the bed, so I could hang on him during the pushing. At the last seconds before a contraction got really strong, I changed my mind, and (in my memory) I leapt onto his spread thighs. My legs were dangling outside of his, and he was supporting my entire 190 pounds with his legs. Good thing he's so sturdy. Even so, it was hard work for him.

He had to take a break from that to remove his socks, because he had no purchase on the hard floor and needed bare feet. I went back to my birthing ball on my knees, and did some more pushing there. For these, I was holding Travis's arms and pulling against them really hard. Again, I didn't think about how much work that would be for him, and of course he didn't mention it.

Cat indicated that the other position had shown better progress, and it felt better for me, too, so we switched back. I remember her saying that I should go ahead and push through the pressure, to not be afraid of the pressure. I remember thinking in response that I wasn't afraid of it, but her saying something about it did make me think about it and push harder against it. Interesting.

I kept asking her if I was making progress. I somehow thought that pushing would be fast, but it wasn't going as fast as I had expected. She always said enough to make me feel like I was making progress (probably to keep me from getting discouraged, or maybe because I really was), but not enough to give me false optomism.

She said that his head had come through the cervix, and I reached down to feel it. That was pretty cool. I somehow had the presence of mind to ask Travis if he wanted to feel it, and I honestly thought that I would delay pushing the baby out, if he did, but he couldn't from that position anyway, and honestly, he said later, he wasn't interested. He was taking care of me at that point.

Now that I think about it, I don't know why it would be cool to feel the baby's head coming out... the baby will be out so soon, and then you can feel it as much as you want, with a lot less effort! Whatever the reason, it was cool and I'm glad that I did it.

This was the point at which I said, "I can do this." I felt like I could just take my time now, because I was completely in control. When do you want that baby? I can have him for you at whatever time is best.

Oh, Delia had been taking pictures of all of this. At this point, the camera batteries died. Yikes. Between contractions, Travis was trying to tell her where the other camera was (turns out it was in the car, anyway), but eventually just said, 'Get the video camera'. It had not been our plan to tape the birth, but wow, I'm so glad that we did. Heck, we weren't even planning on taking pictures!

Poor Delia had never touched our video camera before (we barely had, actually), so was trying to figure it out on the fly. I remember Travis basically leaving me for an entire contraction while he gesticulated and tried to explain to Delia how to use it. He said that he hated doing it, but he knew that it would be important to me. Of course I didn't mind, even at the time. What was interesting to me was how much difference there was. I definitely noticed when he wasn't focusing all of his energy and attention on me.

Delia got the camera ready just in time.

Cat said to me, "Jen, in this position you'll want him to come out slow because you can tear." I heard her, but I don't know that I cared much. I knew where he was, and I knew I was in control, and I planned to get him out. I believe that she saw his little head, which was a little purple, and decided that he should come out now, because she told me to go ahead and push.

I pushed, making incredible noises, and I felt his little head pop out. Without waiting for another contraction, I pushed just as hard to get his shoulders to pop out, and he just slid all the way out, which felt so good! I can't describe it. Amazing.

Next: Tuesday evening - afterwards